I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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