absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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