dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drunk is not a location!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
