i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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