Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
