my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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