so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
