Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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