After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
