I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
