They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
