Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
