Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
