Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
