we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
