We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
