y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need a beard to bite.
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