Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
