I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
