Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My penis needs a shock collar
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
