Tell her she can't have a vagina
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
