what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
