see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
