I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
