it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
