I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My balls are so social today.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
