Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
