I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sorry about my life...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
