Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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