no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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