think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
