and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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