I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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