They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.