i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.