Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this boner is exhausting
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
