Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
