Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml