I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs