On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
