I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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