based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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