Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
