How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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