The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
