He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The Olympian is in my bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
