I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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