I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
