You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
