Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
