Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
