I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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