Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
