He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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