shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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