I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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