apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
