tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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