Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
