3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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