My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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