My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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