she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
