What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
