I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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