At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
