he puts the penis in happiness.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Congratulations! We have a period
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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