ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
