Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
