Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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