Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
