Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
