went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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