I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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