Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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