Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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