Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
