She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
