Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
