I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
