just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
