I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
